“It’s hard watching yourself die.”
This was part of a conversation I had earlier today with Karen as she described what she had looked like a few days ago when her skin had turned an ash white.
I look at my friend of many years through tear filled eyes and try to imagine what that must feel like. She is now wearing long sleeves because she does not like to see the color of her skin.
Karen has such a spirit about her. I worked with her for many years and she is also a member of The Bookies (our book club). I remember her first meeting she attended as she came in with a list of rules if she was going to be a part of this group. “I won’t read any of that mushy stuff,” she has said, “I have been through too much in my life to believe in any of that.”
A few months later at a book review Karen had gushed over our read, “I just loved Colton, he is so romantic!”
Two years ago Karen was diagnosed with cancer. She has had a tough battle and is currently 6 months beyond what the doctors had given her to live. She is a fighter yet feels good at this point if God feels it is her time to go.
Spending time with her this afternoon was a real gift to me. She speaks of hearing God in this new quietness of her life and chuckles at how that must sound – yet I for one know she hears Him. At home in her room, He speaks to her.
We have a wonderful conversation and she tells me how amazing people have been through her illness. She received a fishing launch tri for herself and her family, a neighbor built her a beautiful garden to look at when she sits on her deck, and friends come to see her… more than she knew she had.
Karen tells me, “These last two years have been the best years of my life. Cancer is a horrible thing, but I would not trade this time for anything.”
Wow. Karen I really love you.
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