Lilacs and Memories
This past weekend I attended a wedding of my cousin. It was a beautiful wedding but I find family events hard. Memories float up and I feel a loss when I see all my aunts and uncles, cousins, and family all close. Any event my parents would have attended pulls at my heart.
I see how they casually laugh and poke fun at one another and I know from deep within me that they do not see what I see. Their togetherness works in my mind like snap shots… photos to be captured forever…..
One of my uncles dancing with my cousin… My aunt dancing with her newly married son… brothers and sisters poking fun at one another…
And I am thinking that they do not even know what they have….
I don’t always fit at these events. I make my appearance and make my exit at an appropriate (hopefully) time. I know they don’t understand why it pains me. I don’t expect them too.
Coming home and standing on my deck this evening, smelling the lilacs in the air and loving this time of year… I realize I am not sure I understand why I am this way either. My tears are not always of pain, but also of love – and fondness for my family and the blessings that they have in each other.
Sometimes I think it is a gift that I see things this way. Other times I think its a curse. I take a lot of pictures of people together, candid moments of them close to one another to capture forever. I never know when I may be taking the pictures that sticks with them forever.
I breathe in the lilacs… I love this time of year. And it makes me cry.
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