Losing My Religion…
Today, I was reading a good friend of mines Blog: Picking Daisies. She was writing about Masks, and I laughed out loud because I totally agree with the “perfect Christian Mask” that many people in church environments wear.
I have thought about this often – how I grew up and where my faith was. I thought that “doing church” was the right thing to do. Growing up we made it on Easter and Christmas… in my Jr High and High School years, not even those holidays stuck.
By the time I had children, I knew I wanted them to have a Church and religion, but even I didn’t really know what that meant and had no idea that I craved a relationship with God. My background of church and religion was more what I thought we were meant to do, and therefore as good citizens that is what we would do. I could compare my Church experience during my early married years as punching a time clock. We would go in on Sunday, sit in our regular spot… notice who else was there (and who wasn’t)… do our hour and 15 minutes, clock out and go home. If my boys wanted to wear jeans to church it was a big Sunday morning argument of how you should look when entering a church and I would not allow anything less. For a few years there we had a pretty good looking church attendance record. We never did anything beyond the Sunday service. I knew nothing of missions, or serving, there was no service that spoke to me. I was just doing my time.
It took many years of church hopping, and a few years of deciding the church we needed didn’t exist so we stopped all together, before we found the fit that has us where we are today. I didn’t know church could be so real…. and a relationship with God – what was that about?
Today I look back on the “church person” I used to be. I honestly don’t even think I was. It wasn’t until God found me about 7 years ago and wouldn’t let go that I believe is when I really got it. Really – got it. Listening to sermons that I could fit into my own life and relate to…. unheard of! Yet, I was hearing them and learning. Going home, and listening to them again.
I feel sad for those who thing it is what you wear, or hiding who you are behind closed doors, or as Joelle said, masks. I am no where near the perfect Christian example. I fall… frequently…. in most cases – daily. I don’t pray enough, read my Bible enough, spend time in devotion enough… there are times when God takes a back burner to my agenda and man, I really hate that.
But I know that God loves me, broken, and dusty, drinking coffee in church and wearing jeans… and I strive to be more through Him.
The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)
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